I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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