God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
