i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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