I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
My dick has a subreddit
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
