this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
