Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
