so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
