if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Randomize
