So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
