Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Randomize
