I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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