She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
