You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
