what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
