He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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