Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
