Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
