I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Randomize
