Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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