Soap is not a condiment
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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