i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
