I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Randomize
