Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
