Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
