I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
