So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
