Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
