High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
