I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
