Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
