Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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