Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
