all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
