New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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