dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Randomize
