Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
