Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
