All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
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