Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
