great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
