If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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