I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Randomize
