hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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