I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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