So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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