thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
