I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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