I cannot find my penis.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
