After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
