There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
