You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
